becoming natalie

dear unknown lover,

i can’t wait to meet you.
or get to know you better..
but right now, i need to better myself.

you see, how can i make you happy
if i’m not happy with myself?
i can’t be the best for you with the way i am today.

as much as i’d like to be with you,
hold your hand,
steal kisses,
give you everything i have and everything i am,
i know that if i collect the pieces of myself together,
it will be easier to connect our pieces together, understand, my love?

so please see that i dream of our future,
and i really am excited to be with you, someday.
i just need to mold myself into the best person i can be,
for myself, and for you, dear.

sleep well.

-nat 

ohitheretumblr,

how’re you?

i’m doin alright.

could always be better, but hey, i’ll get on that tomorrow.

i get a sick day today.

so i’m gonna study up on bullshit things on zeh interwebz,
drink a lot of tea,
read some books,
maybe watch some misfits or something from miyazaki,
and call it a damn good day.

i’m gettin on a better track here,
don’t count me out just yet.

-nat 

i’m trying,

to better myself.
working out again, practicing singing again, eating healthy, writing again, walking everywhere, saving money-no impulse buying, making fun plans instead of sitting on my ass.
aghh. and getting over someone. there, i said it. as if i wanted to like him in the first place. never even expected myself to til i got slapped in the face by my sub conscience. that was fun. i’ve got an invisible bruise..actually, i’ve got many. you can’t tell, but i’m broken in a lot of places, internally. just cuz you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

p.s. the above does not support my agnostic beliefs. just sayin. at least i know i’ve got problems. i dunno wtf is up or down or around me, religion-wise. :/

-nat